Kind vs Nice: Leadership Grounded in Clarity, Courage and Connection
As has become my norm, I am listening to a Spotify audiobook on my short commute to work each day. At the moment, it is Brené Brown’s latest work, Strong Ground, which has captured my interest. My musings from my listening are not dissimilar to the focus of my ACEL WA newsletter a few months back when I was reflecting on Jacinda Ardern’s leadership and the idea of leading with kindness. If anyone has heard me present on the work that Dr Ray Boyd and I have done, and are doing, at Dayton Primary School, you would have heard me share Brené’s well known catchphrase, “clear is kind.” It is something I am passionate about as a leader, as I feel it is vital that everyone on our team should have clarity about our vision, purpose and the actions required to attain that, and that this is essential in ensuring our entire team are working towards the same goal.
As I have listened to this new book, my thoughts have homed in on the idea of being a “kind” leader rather than a “nice” leader. In educational leadership, many of us, me included, seek to be the nice leader - warm, encouraging, approachable, smiling in the staffroom, fostering harmony, cheering for our team and having everyone’s back. Niceness can feel like the glue that keeps relationships smooth and morale high. And that is all well-intentioned and not necessarily a negative thing but, as Brené Brown points out, there is a deeper, more sustainable, and more effective leadership stance: being kind. She argues that the real foundation of courageous, connected leadership lies in clarity, honesty, the courage to engage in discomfort for the sake of growth, and the discipline to show up even when it’s hard. Kindness, in this sense, is not about pleasing others but rather it’s about choosing to do what serves our people and purpose best.
We had some visitors to our school last week, and as I shared the actions we have taken as instructional leaders to build a culture focused on growth at Dayton, I highlighted the importance of clarity by sharing Brené’s quote (as usual) and outlined the difference between being kind and being nice. We talked about the need to have hard conversations to hold firm on our non-negotiables and high expectations around learning and culture, while still leading with compassion and respect. If we avoid telling a teacher that a key policy is not being followed because the chat might feel awkward, or sidestep the hard conversation to be nice and not upset anyone, we inadvertently send the message that our high expectations are not really that high at all. Just like we say at Dayton, “the standard you walk past is the standard you accept,” so in choosing nice over kind, we perpetuate the very opposite of what we uphold.
Instead, a kind leader chooses clarity by holding the conversation respectfully and with care. We say: “Here’s what we agreed; here’s how we see it playing out; here’s the gap; let’s talk about next steps and how we can support you in making the change.” For example, as we implement new instructional practices as outlined in our instructional playbook, being a kind leader looks like being in classrooms often, having ‘check-in’ discussions, undertaking coaching sessions and conversations, inviting and giving honest feedback, naming where practices aren’t being used yet, and offering targeted support as required. The aim isn’t to control, but to co-create clarity so teachers understand why the shift matters and exactly what it looks like.
Whether you’re leading a team of teachers, a school, or an entire system, clarity is the most respectful gift you can offer. Niceness maintains comfort, yet kindness creates growth. Nice leaders aim to keep everyone happy, whereas kind leaders stay anchored in values and purpose, even when it’s unpopular or hard. Niceness can sometimes smooth over discomfort at the expense of depth; however, kindness leans into authenticity and vulnerability.
Real connection comes from truth-telling, listening, and being willing to say, “I don’t have the answer yet,” or “I made a mistake - again.” When we model this as leaders, we create psychological safety and trust; conditions where innovation, reflection, and collective efficacy can thrive. When we lead for niceness, we might prioritise harmony over honesty, skip the messy middle of conversations, and leave people to guess what we mean. In practice, a kind leader fosters an environment where feedback flows, mistakes are learning moments, and connection is built on authenticity. At Dayton, this has looked like being vulnerable and sharing the things we haven’t got right as leaders with our team, and openly highlighting the things we need to do better, because we now know better. It has looked like inviting feedback on implemented processes and being willing to let go of the “pinch” when our team indicates change needs to occur. It’s not about being nice; it’s about being real (and kind).
Across sectors in education, from early childhood centres to universities, people follow leaders who are real, not perfect. Ours is a profession defined by complexity, change, and human connection; being “nice” can feel safe, but being “kind” is far more powerful. As Brené Brown reminds us, kindness doesn’t mean being soft; it means standing on strong ground - anchored in our values, guided by clarity, and open to courage. It means choosing growth over comfort, integrity over image, and honesty over avoidance. When we do this, we build the kind of trust and authenticity that education, and the people within it, most need.
May we choose kindness, not just niceness, in our leadership every day. [And listen to Brené’s book – it’s amazing!]
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Leading Innovation in Education - November Meet up
It is just 2 days away, but there is still time to register for and attend this incredible FREE event, taking place on Thursday! I hope to see you there.
innovation /ɪnəˈveɪʃn/: noun – the introduction of new things, ideas or ways of doing something...
Join us to meet with educational leaders from different schools and sectors, across all learning stages from early childhood to higher education, to discuss all things innovation in education and to hear about new ideas for improvement.
Come along to hear from these leading Western Australian school and system leaders who share case studies of leading innovation in different contexts.
💡 Nicole Monzu, Head of Junior School, Aquinas College
⚡ Topic: Outlining how the PK-6 Behaviour Curriculum has been shaped over the past 2 years at Aquinas and how the school blends character education, restorative practice and explicit teaching of curriculum.
💡Tanya Steers, Principal, Hensman Street Elementary
⚡ Topic: Offsite Schooling: Reframing The Way We Think About Education. How Hensman focus on play based slow nature pedagogy to ensure all students are holistically supported and challenged.
💡Krystal McKnight, Head of Arts, Ballajura Community College
⚡ Topic: Reimagining how we teach 21st century skills—linking creativity, problem solving, innovation and critical thinking to every learning area and the world beyond the classroom through a secondary lens.
💡Hannah Moore, Coordinator South Metropolitan Education Region, Primary Extension and Challenge (PEAC)
⚡ Topic: Leading Differentiation for Gifted Learners in an AI era - As artificial intelligence transforms the pace and nature of learning, educational leaders are challenged to reimagine differentiation for gifted learners. Exploring how vision-driven leadership and targeted professional learning can empower teachers to move beyond traditional approaches, embedding AI meaningfully as a catalyst for deeper challenge, personalisation, and creativity in the classroom.
Details:
📅 Thursday 6th November
🕒 10:00am – 12:00pm
📍 In-person: Aquinas College, Salter Point or Online via Teams
💸 Free
REGISTER NOW
New ACEL WA Members
It is always a joy to see our ACEL WA members list growing. I want to warmly welcome our new members who joined up in October (or reinstated their memberships – which is also a great thing!). A special shout out to Siobhan Jones and Mikayla King who received their membership as part of being awarded a New Voice scholarship at the National Conference. We look forward to connecting with you and hope to see you at an event soon!
- Christine Hennessy, Bayswater Primary School
- Celena Mecham, Swan Valley Anglican Community School
- Carrine Collen, Kingsway Christian College
- Siobhan Jones, Ballajura Primary School
- Allan Alipio, Wulungarra Community School
- Mikayla King, Edith Cowan University
- Felicity Roux, Curtin Medical School
ACEL WA Executive Team Spotlight – Tamara Doig
This month our ACEL WA executive member spotlight shines on Tamara Doig, who is the Principal of Rostrata Primary School. Tamara is a valued member of our ACEL WA executive team, and she is active in helping plan our termly Innovation Network meetups and our Hot Topic conversations, along with various other events. We are incredibly thankful for her generous spirit of collegiality and desire to help others grow and for all that she does for us on top of her busy role as a principal. Tamara’s profile is below for you to learn a little bit about her varied teaching and leadership experience, along with her vision for the future of education and recommended reads.
We are just 2 weeks out from our ‘’star-studded ACEL WA Annual Awards celebration evening, so I will be dropping into your Inboxes in a couple of weeks to share the exciting news about all the fabulous educators who have received an award in recognition of the amazing work they do. Watch this space!
I am reachable by email if you have any questions, comments or just want to connect.
Rachael Lehr
ACEL WA Branch President