I recently posted a photo of 3 new books I had purchased on LinkedIn and asked for advice as to which one I should read first. ‘Let Them’ by Mel Robbins was the favoured choice, so I have been reading it to start my days while waiting for it to be light enough to walk my dog Pickle, who finds the shadows of breaking day disarming.
As I have read the book, I have been relating the learnings to my roles in education, and to my life more generally. As educators and leaders, we often carry the weight of trying to manage everything: how our students behave, how our colleagues perceive us, how parents respond, how our leadership decisions land. We want to be seen as effective, empathetic and impactful. But sometimes, that desire becomes entanglement, where we are trying to control outcomes that we never truly had power over.
Mel Robbins’ simple but powerful idea, ‘Let Them,’ is a mindset shift I’ve been leaning into (and have been [over]enthusiastically sharing with others at school and beyond!). Contrary to what first popped into my head when reading about this idea, it’s not about giving up, not caring or disengaging. Instead, it’s about releasing control over others’ choices so I can reclaim energy for what I can influence: my presence, my values, my boundaries and my responses. This relates strongly to what I often ask our students when discussing an altercation or incident: whose behaviour (words and actions) do you have control over? We all know the answer here is “my own!” However, on reflection, how often do I also focus on the behaviour of others and let it control what I do, think or feel?
Here are some ways I’m beginning to apply ‘Let Them’ in my life (noting there is a long way to go in this process):
Let them misunderstand. Not everyone will get the full picture of what happens in a interaction, the care behind a boundary, or the purpose of a strategy. That’s okay. Let them think I am wrong or misguided. I can’t control their narrative, I can just keep showing up with integrity in relation to my own beliefs.
Let them resist. Whether it’s a student avoiding a task or a staff member hesitant to shift practice, I’m learning not to take initial resistance personally. Growth is often preceded by discomfort. I can support without forcing and also try to see things from their perspective.
Let them judge. In leadership, not everyone will agree with my choices. Whilst this is hard for me as a ‘people pleaser’, I need to understand that I’m not here to be universally liked, rather I’m here to be aligned with what’s right for learning, for wellbeing, for our vision and values.
Let them go at their own pace. Whether it’s a student learning to self-regulate, a colleague embracing feedback, or even myself navigating change, the timing isn’t always mine to set. Trusting the process matters more than rushing the product.
Let them own their behaviour. I don’t have to swoop in and fix everything. Really! Sometimes the most empowering thing I can do for students, for my colleagues, is step back and let them face the consequences, and to learn and grow.
The interesting part of the ‘Let Them’ theory is that the work isn’t finished there. The important thing is to follow up ‘Let Them’ with ‘Let Me’; to focus on turning inward and reflecting on the actions we can take in the situation. It is not only about letting others be who they are, but giving ourselves permission to be who we are. So alongside all of that ‘Let Them’, I want to choose to:
Let me have boundaries and not feel guilty about protecting my peace. Let me stop over-functioning and thinking I need to fix everything and do everything for others. Let me say no without over-explaining or apologising (something that is very hard!).
Let me breathe. In the middle of the noise, remember that I don’t have to react to everything. I can pause, ground myself, and focus on what matters. I can take moments to be still and reflective, to respond with integrity and not react emotionally.
Let me trust my instincts, my abilities, my knowledge, and trust the process. Let me also trust that the work that I am doing has value, and that the seeds I’m planting will grow, even if I can’t see the fruit yet.
Let me be human and make mistakes. I can have high standards without holding myself to perfection. I can acknowledge that when I push myself beyond my comfort zone and into the unfamiliar, I will get it wrong. Also, getting things wrong, and owning up to it, doesn’t make me a bad leader, it’s not the end of my credibility but the beginning of wisdom, as long as I acknowledge the mistake, apologise if needed, and continue to show up trying to do better.
Let me sparkle and lead authentically, being fully and unapologetically myself. Not from fear or the need to prove, but from clarity, compassion and courage, and the knowledge that there is room for everyone to shine.
Reflecting on this mindset and applying it in my life and leadership will go a long way to soften my grip of perfectionism and people-pleasing, something that I have a few degrees in! I love that the ‘Let Them’ theory isn’t about apathy, but rather, it’s clarity. It’s helping me re-centre and to show up calmly to focus on what truly matters: being intentional, grounded, and present, even when others are storming around me.
How can you apply ‘Let Them’ (and ‘Let Me’) in your own life to empower you to be a better educator and better leader?
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July ACEL WA Book Club – Deep Work by Cal Newport
It’s just over 2 weeks until we meet to chat about Cal Newport’s book ‘Deep Work’ which offers many ideas that challenge conventional ways of working, learning, and living, and can easily be applied to our roles in education.
Join the ACEL WA team for an Educational Leadership Book Club
📅 Thursday 17th July 2025
🕒 10:00am to 12:00pm
📍In-person at Dome Maylands or online
Steps:
1. Get yourself a copy or listen on Spotify, and as you read consider these questions:
❓Have we made ‘busyness’ a virtue instead of focus?
❓Does social media rob us of our ability to go deep?
❓How might schools (or workplaces) be redesigned to support deep work?
2. Read the book (or part of the book) before we meet.
3. Let us know you can join us via the ACELWA website. https://acel.org.au/ACELWEB/Active/Event_Display.aspx?EventKey=25WAELBJU
4. Join other educational leaders for collegial conversation and connection.